The First Steps to Managing Your Finances Have Nothing to do With Money

When I was younger, I used to play video games. I would not consider myself at all a gamer by today's standards. We had a Nintendo 64 with game cartridges that you could still blow on to make them work. I used to love this Star Wars game called Rogue Squadron. You would fly around in an X-wing defending the Rebel base from the evil Empire. As you flew around, you would hit spots that would trigger cut scenes where the Empire would destroy buildings and you'd have to complete these side missions to complete the level. However, what was true of this game and many at the time was if you didn't see something happen - it didn't happen. So, in your multiple attempts at completing a level, you learned how to avoid certain areas to keep those cut scenes from being triggered. In other words, you didn’t want any surprises even though you knew that those surprises were just around the corner.

It seems like, in life, we've adopted a similar attitude. If we don't see something happening, it doesn't happen. It makes sense - we go toward things that give us pleasure and avoid the things that don't. But, in reality, things are happening outside our view.

Everyone looks at their bank account and wishes they had more

The truth is - almost no one grows up talking about money and it is seldom we learn about it in school. Everyone looks at their bank accounts and wishes they had more. Everyone thinks about all the decisions they could have made - how they could have started saving and investing earlier. Everyone at some point looks at things to come, whether it's immediate bills or future goals, and wonders “how I will do this?”

Everyone at some point looks at things to come, whether it's immediate bills or future goals, and wonders “how I will do this?”

We live in a world where it's effortless to swipe our cards and pay for things. We have built a world that much like the video game, so long as we don't see the mountain of debt piling up, it isn't happening. So long as the card keeps swiping, I can carry on with my day. We do this with all areas of life; how many people only see the doctor when they are sick? Only go to the dentist when their tooth hurts? Only get their car checked when the light comes on? Like the video game, we've learned to navigate our world while desperately hoping to avoid setting off any of those side missions. Like the video game, if I don't go to the dentist, he can't tell me I have a cavity, and therefore, I don't have one now and don't have to think about it. But, maybe, just maybe if I flossed every day, I could avoid the pain of a cavity.

manage your money Better

If you're reading this, there is a good chance you hit a trigger and now you want to figure out what to do. Here is some advice: the chapter on Financial Planning in the book Time To Get Real! is a gift. I found it important, and I know that it will help you to better manage your money.

First, as the Japanese philosopher, Musashi once said, "It will be difficult at first, but all things are difficult at first." We forget how difficult it was to walk at first, but now we do so without thinking about it. We forget how much we struggled with basic math, and now we exchange currencies and schedule times to meet without thinking about it. We forget how difficult it was the first time you met someone you liked, and now you're living with someone and maybe having a family. All things take time. The more you do something, the more comfortable you will become doing it. This also applies to money management and financial planning.

Second, let's deal with that c-word, comfortability. Most people I know are not comfortable with their finances. There is enormous anxiety over even talking about money or checking their bank account. Being comfortable or uncomfortable are emotional responses, which may be difficult to manage. Here are few tips I have learned:

1. We can be hurt more by our expectations than the action themselves. This is true in multiple ways. Sometimes, we are hurt more by our expectations of people's actions than the actual actions themselves. At other times, we are hurt more by our expectation of checking our account and having $5,000 than the actual action of logging in and finding we only have $1,000.

2. We are not robots that can switch emotions on or off. Human beings experience an array of emotions. From a very young age, we are told we need to control our emotions, which often translated to when we got upset, we were supposed to flip a switch and stop behaving in a way that didn't align with what someone else thought was acceptable. The psychiatrist, Viktor Frankl once wrote, "between stimulus and response, there is space." It's okay to feel anxious, angry, or whatever emotion you are feeling about your financial situation. When that happens, you can identify how you are feeling and choose how to manage that feeling. If you feel anxious, decide to take a deep breath and move forward. There are thousands of free resources.

3. You are not alone. Everyone should have a system of support, whether that's family and friends or professionals. Whether you realize it or not, there are a lot of people in this world who want to help you. The professionals can come from your bank, your investment or insurance company, or from a financial planner.

You are not alone. Everyone should have a system of support, whether that's family and friends or professionals. Whether you realize it or not, there are a lot of people in this world who want to help you.

Third, be okay with where you are today. You have to start from someplace and here today is the someplace. We live in a world of overstimulation and oversharing. It is so easy to compare yourself to others and think less of yourself because of it. Remember, you don't know their whole story, and quite frankly, it doesn't matter. Don't worry about the things you could have done or should have done. Just focus on yourself, and wherever you are in the process, be okay with that. No matter where you are starting, it is better than never starting at all. But start you must.

Finally, we don't all start at the same place - and you need to accept that. The world is not a fair and equal place. Every one of us is on our own journey. No one can travel that path for you. You have to accept that. You have to own that. You can’t rewrite your past, but you can be the author of your future.

There are a ton of books out there about money, personal finance, investing, etc. It feels like most people don't take advantage of those or are in a place to learn from them because of one of the things I've listed above. We've built a society that entraps people into addictions. If you found this article because of trigger points, like a check bouncing, not having enough money to pay your bills, etc., be careful not to fall back into those habits that led you here. It seems like many people do well for some time, start to see progress, and then fall back into those old habits like spending too much, saving too little, or impulse shopping. Get to know your triggers and follow your plan.

There are a ton of books out there about money, personal finance, investing, etc.

I hope this article was beneficial to you. If you take nothing else from it, remember you are not alone. There are many people - like the life and career coaches at Life and Career Planning - who can help you develop and stick to a plan that is right for you. So, show your strength and ask for help if you need it.

Guest Blog by Jason Khurdan

Jason is the Manager of Central Services, Rutgers Access & Disability Resources, Rutgers University. His role is to work with individuals with disabilities to ensure equal access at Rutgers. He specializes in Assistive Technology (AT) and leads a team that works with individuals one-on-one to recommend and implement various resources. In addition to his work with individuals with disabilities in higher education, he has previously owned his own non-profit, which mentored children in Newark from K-12. Jason is also a Certified Life and Career Planning Coach.

In addition to the work he does at Rutgers, he builds websites and does small business consulting. He has sat on many strategic planning committees for large publishing companies and previously chaired the group across the Big Ten, which focused on course accessibility.

In his spare time, he practices a Japanese martial art called Aikido, which focuses on creating harmony. When not on the mat, Jason enjoys 3D design and 3D printing. 

Click here to send us a message. We welcome your comments on this blog.

Follow us through our blogs and the book Time To Get Real! to your desired future. For in-person and telephonic coaching, click here to send us a message

Click here to purchase our book Time To Get Real!

Getting Real with Myself

As a child, one of the most common questions you are asked is, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Now, I completely understand the good intent behind this question, we want kids to dream and learn and imagine all of the possibilities for their lives. As a child, your view of the world is quite narrow, you only know what you can see or what you are taught. Because of this, doctors, lawyers, nurses, teachers, police officers, firefighters are all popular choices in an elementary school career day. None of these things seemed like they were for me, and I always felt uneasy about having a specific career be such a central focus from such a young age. Everything felt like it was about what are we going to do now to reach that goal. The focus was always on what you could do, what transferrable skills do you have. Honestly, this approach led me to believe there was something wrong with me. I couldn’t think of a job I wanted to do; I just knew that I wanted to do something to make a difference in people’s lives. What that was, I had no clue, and because my ideas were so abstract, I assumed they didn’t count. I continued on to high school and college, never really sure of my path, but just following the steps everyone else did, hoping I’d figure it out eventually.

I wasn’t completely aimless. I had some general ideas about what I cared about, but I struggled to ascertain what any of it meant. As the years went on, I went from high school to a very choppy college experience, always thinking that if I found the right school, the right program, the right community that I would figure out what I was supposed to do. I had a handful of very valuable experiences, but nothing that ever led anywhere I deemed as ‘real.’ Perhaps I would have if I was focusing on who I wanted to become rather than what I was going to do.

“As the years went on, I went from high school to a very choppy college experience, always thinking that if I found the right school, the right program, the right community that I would figure out what I was supposed to do.”

I wanted a different life

Fast forward past college, my search continued. This call center job, that marketing job, a human resources position, I tried to no avail, but everything felt off. I felt like I was just going through the motions, I was good at my work, but it never filled me up, and because I never felt fulfilled, I wasn’t bringing my best self to the table. I couldn’t access her when I was doing these jobs because these jobs weren’t bringing me closer to who I wanted to be. I didn’t want to just go to work for 40 hours a week to check a box, but I figured this was just what is supposed to happen when you grow up.

When we found ourselves in the middle of a pandemic, everyone seemed to be asking more questions of themselves. When we saw in such a stark way, just how precious life is, it caused me to pause and consider whether just putting my life on autopilot was my only option. I felt like I had tried so many things and none of them fulfilled me in the way that I was hoping. I kept thinking there had to be something more, and during this time I began interrogating my own thoughts and choices. I was presented with the opportunity to go through the Life and Career Planning model.

I will be completely honest; when I first saw what it entailed, my anxiety went through the roof. I was not used to putting my ideas for my future on paper because I honestly didn’t really have any idea what I wanted my future to look like, and that was terrifying. As I worked through the model, I became a different kind of scared. I had now put out into the world what I dreamt, and I could no longer hide from it or claim that I didn’t know what I wanted or that the things I imagined for myself weren’t even in the realm of possibility.

Changing the way I see myself

Each step built on the ones before it, and as I worked my way through, I began to see how connected everything in my life was. It helped me to identify things that truly matter to me and how I can best make an impact on the world. I have never felt comfortable with defining myself by a job title or what I do. I am also uncomfortable with creating a vision of who I want to be, but it’s the kind of discomfort that forces action. It’s a pretty powerful thing to take back your identity from what you believe you should be and focus more on who you want to be, what are your values, what brings you joy, how you relate to others. This model has changed the way I see myself.

“Each step built on the ones before it, and as I worked my way through, I began to see how connected everything in my life was. ”

I was daunted by the first chapter asking about interests, thinking I had none, but I soon learned that was far from true. I didn’t think the other things about me mattered until I figured out what the heck I wanted to do with my life. What I hadn’t realized was that those were the things about me that were going to help reveal my purpose. It also helped me to identify areas for development. As I worked through this model, I began to realize that my confidence was the biggest thing that was holding me back. The model forced me to write down and talk about my strengths and weaknesses in a way I had feared in the past. I have been learning to become less timid about what I have to offer. I may not have the experience that I had anticipated having at this point in my life, but I have had life experiences that have helped me become the person I need to be for what comes next. I am not a robot who can be automated to do specific tasks, and that is okay, processes can be learned.

Being less afraid of what comes next

When it came time to put it all together in my action plan, one thing was clear-- if I had taken this type of approach to my life when I was younger, I may not have spent as much time jumping around and feeling like there was something wrong with me. Rather than blaming myself for time lost, I decided I could leverage those experiences to help others through similar uncertainties. I began brainstorming ways that I could do this and decided that my action plan would include steps to reach young people who are at their own crossroads and help them to be less afraid of what comes next by putting them in the driver’s seat.

Nell Schreck- “Working through this model has not changed who I am, it has revealed who I have always been and given me the confidence to bring that person into the world.”

I am a human being who brings my lived experience to take a holistic view of situations, connects with empathy, acts with integrity, and is guided by purpose. As Glinda, the good witch says in The Wizard of Oz, “You’ve had the power all along my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself.” Working through this model has not changed who I am, it has revealed who I have always been and given me the confidence to bring that person into the world.

Guest blog by Nell Schreck, Director of Operations, Legacy Teams

Nell has always been involved in supporting the growth of people. Her strengths in communications and social media have allowed her to connect at all levels within businesses. She is a graduate of Temple University with a degree in Broadcasting and Communications. She also spent time at The Washington Center in DC where she did investigative reporting. Nell has a natural ability to ask the right questions and diagnose critical needs. Her attention to detail and passion for bringing people together makes her a great asset to Legacy Teams.

Click here to send us a message. We welcome your comments on this blog.

Follow us through our blogs and the book Time To Get Real! to your desired future. For in-person and telephonic coaching, click here to send us a message

Click here to purchase our book Time To Get Real!